Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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