Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
