You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
