Is it because I queefed?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
