And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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