I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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