It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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