There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
tell me about the eggs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
