last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
