you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
