I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
