Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
