I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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