So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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