I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
