Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
