Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
