I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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