theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
