So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
