So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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