a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
