Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
