put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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