Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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