I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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