somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
