why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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