I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
