Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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