i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
