You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
