ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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