I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
