I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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