i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
