he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
