It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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