WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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