Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
