I wish I could teleport
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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