We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
