Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
