i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
