sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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