I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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