so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
