I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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