you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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