She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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